


Hate Me Today, Hate Me Tomorrow, Hate Me So You Can Finally See What's Good For You

by destiel_lemmings



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Ashton's trapped in his head, Drinking, Luke loves him too much, M/M, Sad One Shot, Self Harm, ashton is sad, very sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-07-27
Packaged: 2018-04-11 15:25:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4441118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destiel_lemmings/pseuds/destiel_lemmings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashton wants Luke to hate him so it's easier for him to let let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hate Me Today, Hate Me Tomorrow, Hate Me So You Can Finally See What's Good For You

**Author's Note:**

> So this came out of nowhere, I didn't expect to write such a sad one shot. I've never written anything like this before like at all. Soo I'm going to put all the warnings again just in case.  
> WARNINGS: Self Harm, Depression/Depressed Thoughts.  
> Self Hate, Drinking, Character Death.  
> The title for this is from Hate Me by Blue October.

Ashton was tired. Tired of trying, tired of pretending, and tired of trying to live life like he was fine. What sucks is he has people around him that aren't tired, that are happy and going about life like they're happy. Ashton remembers when he used to feel like that. When him and Luke were the 'it' couple and no one could separate them. But then the hate came flooding in, he tried to be strong like Luke but ha as if he could even be as mentally strong as Luke. 

He's lucky Luke has even stayed with him this long. It hurts to know that he hurts Luke. He wishes Luke would just hate him so it would make everything easier. He wishes he could block out thoughts of him so he doesn't lose his head. But it's no use, nothing works. He just wishes that Luke would abandoned him like everyone else. Ashton felt like he didn't deserve the loving touches Luke supplied to him. He felt like Luke deserved more then a sad closed off boyfriend. 

Ashton was a dick to him in multiple occasions to try and make Luke leave, Luke always stayed. Always tried to pick Ashton's brain to see what he's thinking, feeling. Ashton wished it was enough to have Luke here but he wasn't. It was selfish but he missed his family and friends. Ashton knows they hate him and don't want to see him, even though in reality they talk to Luke every night checking up on the boy. How many times they've called and cried when Luke told them that he'd made no progress. 

How Luke cried when Ashton was asleep. But yet Ashton was trapped in his mind, where it told him that everyone left and there was no longer happiness in his future. It told him that he screwed everything up and that he'll continue to. And he didn't want that, he just wanted everything to end. He didn't want to keep ripping Luke into pieces. He wished Luke hated him, then this would all be easier. He would get to live out his misery alone like he was supposed to.

Yeah maybe he should have stopped when he noticed he'd gotten to dependent on the drinks that set his body on fire when he could no longer feel what he wanted to. He should have told someone when the hate gotten to much. And he should have told someone when he felt like he was right now the first time. He should just spill to Luke that he needed to get his prescriptions filled months ago and Luke shouldn't have trusted him to do it on his own.

So now here he was again back to being trapped in the sick sadistic place of his own cranium. He couldn't take it anymore. He now was sitting in the bathroom with a bottle of god knows what he found in a cupboard that only Luke was supposed to be able to reach. One thing Luke forgot about was chairs, see Ashton loved Luke with his entire being but he was tired of hurting then boy. In one hand he took a swig of fire and the other pressed down into his skin to make vertical works of art.

The pain gave him relief and the alcohol gave him bravery. He slowly stripped and filled the bathtub with water, he giggled slight feeling the effects of the drink and decided he would take a bath. Luke was in their bedroom sleeping when Ashton snuck away. He laid in the bathtub and washed his hair, he sunk under the water to rinse but ended up staying there until he could barley breathe. He broke the surface and gasped, suddenly angry so he took his long time friend and made more artwork. On his thighs, wrist, stomach, anything he could reach. And with a final drink he sunk back under the water an his final thought was 'god Luke I love you, but I wished you hate me, only so this is easier.'

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah I don't really have much to say, this was really random and I hoped you liked it? Um if you'd like you can't check out my other one shots and I currently have a story up! Soo yeah aha it'd be pretty cool if you would check those out aha. Comments and Kudos are welcome? Yeah let me know what you thought of this pleaseeee!


End file.
